Jindal Turns Indigent Defense

to CO- CHIEFS

with PLENARY POWERS

BATON ROUGE, LA. -  Surprising the Legislative Session,  Governor Bobby Jindal today announced that Co-Chiefs would take over all Indigent Defense in Louisiana, effective immediately.

"These two men include one big mind and one big stomach",  said the Governor.  "Louisiana needs to move ahead in this important arena, and naming two Lawyers to serve as Czars of Indigency will move us to the front of the profession."   Observers noted that the two had sometimes clashed over the nuts and bolts of Indigent Defense, but Jindal stated "this is the new Louisiana" and indicated that he would issue an Executive Order that the two "men" would "agree on everything no matter what they really think."   It was a hallmark of a Governor totally dominating Louisiana politics, moving into a new arena.

The man on the right told reporters "the first thing we need in the State Office is an Ice Cream Machine",   while the other Czar told reporters under his breath "he's nuts", and suggested that all the Ice Cream would be shipped to Baton Rouge and then re-distributed from there to the rest of the state.   Reached in New Orleans,  one Public Defender suggested this move would mean "Lazyboys for Everybody",  while another lamented that "half the State will be taken over by a full time State Office".  In Monroe and Shreveport,  Public Defenders complained "this is Lafayette and Baton Rouge taking over everything",  and in New Orleans a Public Defender executive who refused to be identified because he would look stupid,  said "at least its not the Judges anymore". 

After a brief meeting,  the Czars emerged to announce a five point plan for Indigent Defense in Louisiana:

    1.  No Office - "this has been controversial,  we will do away with an actual office in favor of a virtual office"

    2.  No Web Logs - "its not funny," said the smart Czar, "and we don't have time for anything that is not funny."   The fat Czar said "no time to blog,  time to get cookin!"

    3.  Pay Exceeding Parity - the defense lawyers will be paid 150% of Prosecution salaries and will trade office space with the DA in each Judicial District.  

    4.  Incorporation of the Prosecution into the Defense, so that "we can decide who gets prosecuted and for what, and thereby guarantee a fair trial, as Nixon might say,  ' as we see it' "

    5.  National Experts will be allowed to come to Louisiana but all their advice will be ignored unless the pay for what it        will cost to implement whatever it is they thing is so great.

Boards, Districts and other impediments to power will be dissolved. Louisiana's Web Based Data system will add a category for "brains" or "belly" to indicate which Czar is in charge of the case.  There in an indication that the Training Director anticipated by the former PD Board will in fact be split into a Chef Position and a Sgt At Arms (who will use a Taser to discipline recalcitrant PD lawyers)

The Czars also talked about "taking over the Law Schools", noting there are not enough "Public Defender Courses".

READ THE REST OF THE MANIFESTO